Now, let’s just settle some pre-conceived ideas you may be
having about this article. It’s not a witch fest where I’ll be ranting about my
singleness, with an ‘Oh-woe-is-me’ attitude. I’m simply addressing a subject
that Valentine’s Day seems to highlight with the broad spectacle and grandeur of
a Broadway production.
Singleness.
The subject has made itself very apparent for me in my third
year of college. There are numerous articles about it through many different
great Christian magazines, blogs (Relevant, namely) and has increased its
weight in my life to such a burden that I’ve more than once had to rely on my
friends to support me.
For most of my life I’ve been single. I realize I am not
alone in this, but for whatever reason it has become glaringly obvious this
year, and a deep-seated urgency has also taken root.
I’ve found myself fighting thoughts and feelings similar to:
“Well, your friends have been faithful in their pursuits of Christ, so
naturally they would be rewarded with God-fearing men.” To “you’re really
running out of time… you know that, right?”
I realize that both of these thoughts are entirely
irrational, but nevertheless they become battles I have to fight against roughly
every day.
A darkness very similar to the one I had expressed last
spring in my post: “Raw” came back in a familiar fashion, which really annoyed
me, because any old foe is never welcome when you have conquered them in your
life.
Through my times of reflection, one commonality intermixed
and hidden in all of these fears has come to the surface: my fear of
loneliness.
For the past few years I have made some friendships that
rival any I had made previously in any forms of grade school. Friendships I know
that I will make every effort to maintain once our ways are parted and God
leads us in different directions.
Romantic relationships break that up a bit early, and the
realization that these relationships my friends are in are just a step in that
direction of separation is very hard.
For the past three years of my small life, I have been
relying on these women through different areas of refinement that my Creator
has put me through. SERIOUS refinement through some major character flaws, and
through some of my very first serious life decisions that will affect the way I
live the rest of my life. As such, they are some of the most important people
in my life.
I tried for a while to stuff these feelings like they
normally do, but they proved too strong, and my God was ever more merciful to
press my friends to express how I was feeling.
They were great, reassuring me of my worth in Christ, but it
was never enough. I walked away from conversations feeling just as empty, and
vehemently fighting against bitterness towards them and the seeming fantasy
splendor glory of their rainbow-unicorn relationships… I guess I’m still
working some of that out.
Hey, it’s a constant battle against our sinful nature, guys.
On the other side of the coin was the logic that said: “You
know, you could get any guy you want…” A logic that is both extremely vain and
unrealistic for a few reasons:
1. No one should date someone because ‘they can’.
2. It’s SO selfish of me to even think this,
because no one’s doing me any favors dating me, because well, if I do get
married that stuff takes real work and dedication so anyone you date should be
someone who you could see yourself marrying.
3. I’m really still figuring all of this crap out,
so please don’t consider me a dating guru… There’s a lot of other great books
out there on this (B-I-B-L-E whatup).
One final thought also made itself apparent.
What am I doing to cultivate the main relationship that
truly gives me Life?
I’m looking at this fantasy as a way to fulfill this
intimately-rooted desire to be fulfilled through long strings of adoration,
praise, and also challenge. A problem I’ve carried into several of my
relationships, regardless of whether or not they were romantic, friendship, or
family based.
My worth in Christ in unmeasurable, every day He makes ways
for me to feel adored, telling me constantly that the insecurities I’m feeling
about my acne that just won’t go away, to the significant difference in the
tightness of jeans that day is not a direct reflection of my WORTH in His Heart.
In the Heart of the Creator of the Universe.
My worth is not based on the amount of people in my life, or
the amount of affection they have for me. Those relationships are definitely an
added richness, and are highly valuable, but when I start putting them on a
high plane that what I have Christ at, that is when I am lacking fulfillment.
It’s like eating a handful of salad after you haven’t eaten
all day. Don’t get me wrong, I love salad, but that stuff just won’t cut it
when I haven’t eaten all day.
I’ve written a poem that further illustrates this journey.
It’s called ‘Her’ and it’s my second most recent post after this one.
I hope that this Valentine’s Day, while many of us are
wandering around without a significant other, there are so many other levels of
love besides romance. Ones that add a richness to your life more than the
passion of romance can. It’s only like, the top level after all. Families,
friends, and every relationship should be celebrated on a day of love.
Thanks so much for reading, and as always I hope and pray
that this post motivates you to seek our Creator, the giver of Life to all
things.
Sincerely,
Alyse
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